My foray into the blogosphere has been, at times, intimidating. In an attempt to become more comfortable with writing to an unknown audience, I have tried to steer clear of controversial subjects. If I am going to subject myself, or my writing, to debate, I prefer to do so in the academic arena. However, in light of the Supreme Court’s decision on same-sex marriage, I feel that I need to step out of my comfort zone and speak up — or, allow another priest to speak for me via his blog. Fr. Joe Jenkins has written a well thought out essay on why the Catholic Church cannot back down on its theological beliefs or principles. There is very little in what he says that I disagree with.
Although I believe, wholeheartedly, that my church needs to stand her ground on the issue of marriage, I also believe that from a civil perspective, same-sex couples deserve to be treated with respect, love, and kindness. Whether or not we believe, as individuals or as a church, that homosexuality is acceptable, it has become accepted by society. Same-sex attracted couples fall in love and, just like heterosexual couples, they want to commit to a lifetime together. They want to raise a family, frequently adopting the “unadoptable” children that no one else will give a home to. To protect the welfare of their families, they want the same legal rights as their heterosexual neighbors and friends and family. Morally, we must, as a society, acknowledge their right to the same civil legal status as their neighbors.
My thoughts on the subject of civil unions may seem liberal and radical for a priest. Opinions can be changed by life experiences or observations. Mine have changed over the past few years as I have watched my nephew struggle with his same-sex attraction. Because of his Catholic upbringing, that struggle has been made more difficult because his church does not fully accept him as God created him. Not everyone is called to a celibate life and by asking ALL same-sex attracted individuals to live celibately, we are asking for the impossible. For the moment, my nephew is celibate. He is only 30 years old. Can I, a celibate priest, ask him to remain celibate for the rest of his life? All I can do is ask that he try, that he pray about the path in which God wants him to follow. If he cannot commit to a lifetime of celibacy, I pray that he commits to ONE person.
I do believe that same-sex couples deserve to be protected by all the same legal rights as their heterosexual neighbors. I do, however, draw the line at marriage. Marriage is sacred, between one man and one woman. We, as a society, have lost sight of the sanctity of the vows a couple recites before God. “I will love you, until death do us part,” not “until divorce do us part.” (Although there are circumstances where divorce is the only recourse for abused women or children.) While civil law establishes societal standards of conduct, we must also consider the natural law, moral law, and divine revelation. It is from these fonts of wisdom and grace that Catholics understand that marriage between one man and one woman is a gift to humanity. The blessings of such a marriage cannot be legislated, litigated, or changed by civil authorities.
Rather than repeat what Fr. Joe has written so eloquently in his blog, I ask that you read it. I also recommend the blog Fr. Joe refers to, written by Monsignor Charles Pope from the Archdiocese of Washington.
May God bless each of His children. May God bless the married couples, man and woman, who believe in the sanctity and holiness of their vows and their commitment to one another and their children. May God bless . . . .
MUSINGS 
For now, I will “like.” In a few years, I am not so sure.
Luke — I understand all too well. I do not think we are all called to celibacy and I do not care if the Church calls it a “Sacrament” or not, but since they allow the over 50% who contracept and the 99% who self-gratify or God knows what else, as well as the many non-married heterosexual couples who nevertheless attend Mass, all to the Communion Table and in most cases without question, then I think it is high time to allow those of us, such as you, and me too, with the integrity to admit our own struggles and paths, to be fully part of the Church, no more questions asked. The Eucharist is supposed to strengthen us, and yet it is often denied to those who need that strength the most. That is wrong in my view.
I know that Father may disagree with me on this but I also know he would not turn either of us away, either. So, I might suggest what the Episcopal Church now teaches on sexuality in general as a guide — that we are obeying the spirit of the Commandments if we do not use others, such as by coercion or leading them on, are only involved with adults, and if we are safe in the process. And that includes using condoms if you choose to be sexually active.
Celibacy is an ideal, and a good one — but as with many ideals, it is not “ideal” for everyone. So, with all due respect to Father Michael, and that respect goes very deeply, I also think you need to find out for yourself what works for you and do as you are thus guided. Obviously, since you are living with him, you need to respect his rules for now, but if you one day meet someone you love or even “like,” and you then choose to experiment with your “not-so-straight” side, then perhaps that is what you need to do. That is not perhaps the advice I would have given even a year ago but it is what I believe is correct, having been on pretty much all sides of the issue over the years.
Truth be told, Rome is simply not right about everything, and I think they got this one wrong and it is damaging people needlessly.
So be who you are, Luke. Just do it with care. And as they say “it gets better.” Even I am just learning that. God bless you both.
Luke ~~ You know that all I ask of you is that you pray for guidance and that you remain true to yourself and to God.
Father Uncle — Yes, I do. I love you for being my uncle, for being my spiritual director, and for picking up the pieces when they needed rescuing. 🙂
Richard — Thank you for your support and your encouragement. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate both. As you said, for now, because I live with him, I must follow his rules. As for experimenting with my “not-so-straight” side, that may come, but I was raised in a strict Catholic home where we were taught to wait until marriage. Since it is doubtful THAT will happen, we shall see where God leads me. For now, I am too focused on school to have much spare time for friends, much less someone who is more than just a friend.
I do appreciate all the hard work you have done not only for yourself, but also for those of us who are walking in those same shoes, only several years behind you. Uncle Michael has given me his blessing for visiting other denominations. I do like the openness and the acceptance of the Episcopal church. Theologically, they seem very close to what I have always known. I, also, visited the Unitarian-Universalist church — wow, they were TOO liberal. I’m not sure I remember God even being mentioned, and I know Jesus wasn’t. For now, I am comfortable with the Catholic parish at the Newman Center — the priest is young, I know some of the parishioners from school, and it is close to home. Once I graduate and move on, a lot will depend on where I end up.
I did take a peek at your FB page — it seems to be much of the same as your blog. Since I am not a fan of FB, I will stick to following your blog. Please know that if I do not comment, it is not because I am not reading your blog. Between school and work, I am swamped, and will be for at least one more year, which leaves little time to do anything but study.
Blessings to you, Richard! 🙂
“FATHER UNCLE”??? That reminds me of Father Corapi from a few years ago speaking of the time when his unbelieving dad came back to the Church and he heard his confession. Now THAT would be weird. “BLESS ME Father Son for I have sinned…”
Anyway, Luke, you are right my FB page is mostly a portal to the blog, I just occasionally post other little gems there that never quite make it to blogosphere so that is why the invite. Plus I wanted you to have my personal email but “FATHER UNCLE” can give that to you, in case I disappear from the blogging world. I am tempted to at least one time a month. So do get it from him.
I am appreciative of your comments and hope you and Father BOTH know I was not advocating “experimentation” as that certainly is not my place to do so. I was just knowing the reality of being younger, as I was at one time hehe, and saying that IF that were to occur I do not see God as one who condemns for that alone. I think that the bigger issue is being kind and not using others for your own advantage, and that can be done not only sexually but in a host of other ways as we all know.
So anyway I am glad you two have not disowned me!!! Father are you familiar with the Old Catholic Church? I am interested in looking into it possibly. It may fit my needs more than Anglicanism, as I am more Roman than not still, and my understanding is that it has apostolic succession too. However it is more open than Rome on issues such as homosexuality and women. So the appeal is very strong. Just curious if you knew much about them?
God bless you both. I consider you my friends even if we never meet in this life. But I hope we do!
Richard ~~ Yes, Father Uncle! 🙂 But, only when Luke and/or his siblings and cousins choose to be facetious or want to tease me; otherwise, it is just plain ol’ Uncle.
You and Luke seem to be having quite the conversation via this blog. 🙂 I will be sure to pass along your email address to him, although don’t lose sleep over not hearing from him. He is not always expedient in writing emails and, for the time being, he is very busy with school and work.
Now for your question about the Old Catholic Church. Unfortunately, I do not know very much about it. From what little I have read, they seem to be almost more Anglican than Roman. Maybe closer to the Eastern Catholic Church than the Latin?? I apologize for not having more information. I did see, however, that there is a Cathedral in Wisconsin. Maybe a weekend road trip is in store for you to check it out in person??? Is there a church in your area? It might be worth your time to investigate and then you can report back — on your blog. 🙂 I also see that some Old Catholic Church parishes ordain women and LGBT. Could this be your calling??? One thing that has always been clear to me, from reading your blog, is that you are truly a man of God and could, very well, be a man of the cloth. I will pray for you, Richard, to find the church home where God wants you to be, where you are most comfortable, where you feel most welcome, and where your personal theological beliefs are most in line with the doctrine of the church. Our Father in Heaven has a plan for you, and you are on a mission to discover His plan.
One of the many things I love about being a priest is watching, first hand, the spiritual journeys of people I know, whether they be Catholic or Protestant or Jewish or something else. We are all on a journey; some of us have a longer journey than others, and it is those long journeys that I find most intriguing since mine was pretty short. I think I have mentioned that I have very dear friends who are Protestant. I believe his journey is just beginning and it is unlikely church will ever be a part of that journey. But, as he ages, as he watches the health of his elderly parents decline, and as he nears retirement, I do hear him mention God more often than I have in all the years I have known him. Her journey has been life-long and I have been blessed to watch her growth for the past 30 years. God is at work in all our lives and it is such a joy for me to watch others as they experience the blessings of Him in their lives.
God bless you, Richard, in whatever church denomination you call home.
You are such a kind and good Father, Father:). And no I will not take it personally if either of you do not respond from time to time, I just love it when you do. Both of you!!! God bless.
You had me scared for a minute!!! Good words. Very appreciated by someone still transitioning at age 57, that would be me. God bless you Father!
I appreciate your thoughts, Richard. 🙂
I have read the three postings – Fr. Joe Jenkins, Msgr. Charlie Pope and Fr. Michael O’Malley. My first thought is that finally someone is speaking out. Our priests are supposed to be our shepherds, but this is the first time I have heard anyone speak out. When I was going to Mass (I have been homebound for several months), I longed for someone to give us some direction and stop being so passive. Nothing!! Each week was the interpreting of the Bible, but nothing was said about what was happening in our nation and how we apply our Catholic teachings to our confusing changing culture. What are we afraid of? Not being politically correct? Is the church silent because of fear of losing its tax exempt status? What does Pope Francis say about what is happening in the U.S.? I know he was outspoken and unafraid in Argentina to speak out against the government.
I watch carefully what is happening in the nation, but everyone seemed to not want to discuss anything. My daughter is a nurse in a Catholic hospital. Will the government make them have abortions in their hospital? Now advocates are trying to legalize abortions for a twenty week old fetus. That is a five month old fetus/child. It boggles my mind. How do we respond to this?
I know exactly what Father Joe is talking about in the following quotes:
“There are some who are pawns to those who hate the Church. Others actually think that they are catalysts for positive change in the Church and society. Look at all the Catholic politicians who oppose the U.S. bishops and who dissent on Church teaching. The chief advocates in Maryland and in Washington are baptized Catholics. Like Msgr. Pope, I have my opinions; and like him, in obedience we both defer to the Archbishop and the national shepherds of our Church. We share our ideas, pray for courage and know that God will not abandon his children.”
“The fact is that marriage has been in trouble for some time now and we were largely silent.”
I tend to agree with Fr. Joe more than Msgr. Charlie Pope regarding the changing of the word marriage. I agree that the word Matrimony is more appropriate, but the words would just get caught up in another firestorm.
I believe we, in the Catholic Church and other denominates, are looking to our pastors and priests to guide us through this troubled times of changing values. We need leaders who are real shepherds for their flocks.
These postings have given me hope on the one hand because we are now discussing our changing culture, but it has also depressed me seeing where we are headed. I must keep in mind that “God will not abandon his children.”
Thank you Father Michael for speaking up. We need your thoughts and I have passed them on to my friends and family.
margy
In God We Trust
Thank you, Margy, for sharing. As a church, and as a nation, we have a long road ahead of us. As you said, the leaders of the Church must be forthright in guiding their flock. I am not sure all pastors know what to say, or do, until they receive guidance from the bishops. My fear is that government is becoming too involved with religion and we are slowly losing our religious freedom. We must stand firm in our beliefs, even when they contradict government mandates. Separation of church and state, right? God bless you, Margy!
Excellent, Michael. I believe our church has a long way to go before it can be considered “catholic,” rather than “Catholic,” but I do see changes brewing. Although I agree with you, and with the other priests who have written about marriage, I do think the church needs to be more accepting of all minorities. Maintaining the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman is one thing, but denying people the Eucharist just because they don’t meet the criteria is exclusionary. What do the kids say? WWJD? I believe, in my heart, that Jesus would invite ALL to His table, not just those that are deemed worthy by the rule makers.
Erin ~~ I think I know a certain Protestant who uses that word “exclusionary” a lot when discussing the Catholic Church. I agree with you 100% that Jesus would invite ALL to His table, just as many, if not most, Protestant churches do. I am not sure ALL will ever be invited to the Catholic Communion table but, certainly, ALL Catholics who have confessed and repented their sins, should receive the Eucharist. It is unfortunate that those who need it most are often denied. God bless, Erin!
During this time of turmoil within our church, and our country, it is important to remember that we are ALL God’s children and Christ loves ALL HIs Father’s children. As St. Paul said in his letter to the Colossians, ” . . . here there cannot be Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free man” (Col 3:11). Nor should there be heterosexual or homosexual. Jesus’ love embraces ALL.
However, I do agree with Fr. Michael that churches of all denominations must maintain their integrity by their interpretation of scripture. The Catholic Church believes that marriage is sacred, between one man and one woman. (http://old.usccb.org/laity/manandwoman.shtml) While other denominations may, and can, change their doctrines, the Catholic church is as ancient as Christianity. While we laity, and some clergy, may be more accepting of same-sex couples, marriage continues to be a holy sacrament that should not be changed.
I do agree with Richard that devout, chaste, honest, gay Catholics should be welcome at the Communion table. As he said, “The Eucharist is supposed to strengthen us, and yet it is often denied to those who need that strength the most.” There must be a way for the powers-that-be to acknowledge our gay laity at the Communion table by serving them the Eucharist without sacrificing the integrity of our doctrines.